Every Royal Rumble, I look forward to the surprise, novelty entrants.
The old guys. Superstars from the past. Paycheck seekers.
In recent years, one of the guys I’ve wanted to see is the Big Bad Booty Daddy, Big Poppa Pump himself, Scott Steiner.
But, if my dream comes true and I get to hear the police siren sound, what happens then? Well, nothing, unfortunately. These appearances are almost always one-time deals (except when its Hacksaw Jim Duggan, then they are two-date appearances).
This is unfortunate, because wrestling companies need Scott Steiner.
Below is definitive proof of just how much Steiner can improve wrestling television.
I hope all of the readers out there appreciate the beauty of that. In a world of completely scripted promos, such natural botching is amazing. These young guys mess up a promo and they sound lost (at least until WWE goes out of their way to fix it). Steiner just botches, messes up and gets kay-ray-zee, and it works. He would bring a dose of absurdity that still is threatening; not completely goofy.
Steiner also has a look that is unique. Rusev and Big E Langston Hughes are big, as is John Cena. Batista, Batistwo and Rob Terry aren’t around anymore. Steiner also is big, but his muscular physique is oddly freakish in a way that other muscleheads’ bodies are not.
But, let’s not ignore his wrestling skills.
He (along with his brother, Rick, who is a whole ‘nother story) comes from an amateur background, wrestling at the University of Michigan and even placing sixth in the U.S. as a senior. As a professional, he used numerous submission holds, a variety of suplexes and was a big supporter of the frankensteiner, which essentially is a modified hurricanrana. Just imagine someone that big doing that (and not totally screwing it up, like John Cena).
Being a “real” athlete basically was his gimmick when he was in a tag team with his brother. But, he got more popular when he seriously bulked up, bleached his hair and started cutting nonsensical promos. And, he’s all about the chainmail. CHAINMAIL.
Plus, he’s totally, like, a nice, average dude.
Or, maybe not. He’s got a track record.
Steiner did not appear on television for the final three months of his TNA tenure. Shortly after his release from the company in the spring of 2012, he started going off on Twitter. He made numerous accusations against Eric Bischoff and Hulk Hogan. If I recall, some of the more interesting allegations he made were that Hogan was gay and that Bischoff’s son, Garret, used steroids. TNA eventually sued him. Steiner later responded with a countersuit. These still are being dealt with in the courts.
This brings about the next problem. There is no way Steiner is coming to a TV near you.
He’s involved in litigation. WWE doesn’t like that. He was involved in backstage fights with Diamond Dallas Page and Terry Taylor during the WCW days. He also assaulted an EMT, ran over a guy with his truck and was involved in a fight with Buff Bagwell and Lex Luger during a flight. These aren’t good signs.
He also (maybe) has heat with Triple H. When WWE wanted to drug test Steiner (almost certainly for steroids) in the early 2000s, he allegedly said he would do it if he and Triple H got tested at the same time. As the legend goes, WWE never requested that Steiner get tested again. Though, to be fair, Steiner was in WWE for like two weeks. Steiner also has criticized Triple H in interviews, claiming that he wouldn’t be where he is without being married to Stephanie McMahon.
That’s the final straw. To make it in WWE, you have to be down with HHH. The company will forgive almost anything if you cozy up to the (future) boss. Longtime drug user and noted world traveler Sean “X-Pac” Waltman recently worked as a WWE talent scout and currently has a “Legends” contract. Of course, he is close with HHH. If you’re not down with the boss, you have to be a real, honest-to-goodness draw (think Ultimate Warrior). Steiner has a chance to improve television, but calling him a “draw” is a stretch by any means.
So, Steiner cannot go to WWE or TNA, and Ring of Honor probably is out of the question. Currently, he is on the indie circuit with his brother. A website earlier this year guestimated his net worth to be about $4 million, but no one knows if that’s true. Still, he is alleged to have made plenty of money in the past and to have saved much of it. Money likely isn’t an issue.
But, it’s the audience that is missing out. The stories will live on.