The Universe – Entry Five: The Universe (Tl;dr Version)

If I haven’t made it abundantly clear over the past month, it is just a wonderful time to be a member of the WWE Universe. I mean ‘WWE Universe’ specifically. Casual fans, smarky smarks, most of r/SquaredCircle… Sorry my brethren, you guys can say whatever you want about the product, but the lot of you don’t even understand the product that the WWE presents to you in the first place. Telling you these things directly does not really register with you types.

 

Although this is god-tier gif-ing(giffing?) right there.

 

 

Perhaps a basic explanation is at hand. For those of you that weren’t sure, I am indeed The Natural, Brian Andrews: The personification of actualization, minister of the Temple of Infinitude and local resident here in The Universe. Let’s get started.

5. The Universe (Tl;dr version)

 

I didn’t necessarily mean to put the beam on this certain sub-sect of professional wrestling fans. Perhaps the problem isn’t the inability to understand logic, but rather an ignorance of the nature of sports entertainment. I have, of course, already explained this nature. I explained this nature in great detail, so do yourself a favor and read my introductory sermon so that you can get caught up with the rest of the class.

Everybody ready to go then? Okay.

The universe is big. Unimaginably so. There are more stars in the sky than there are grains of sand on Earth. Each of these stars are unbelievably dense. Therein lies the nature of the universe. The entire universe actually works on an insanely complex system of objects simply existing in varying degrees of denseness. The same principles in which our own universe, the one we all exist in, and are lucky enough to be even aware of our own personal existences, apply to the WWE Universe as well.

I mentioned the correlation in labels regarding the WWE. People that wrestle for the WWE are referred to as Superstars. That is because their respective characters are dense. I mentioned Tyson Kidd in this regard a couple weeks back. The denser the object, the more gravity it has. Gravity is a good thing.

It is a different era, make no mistake about that. Gone are the days when you could simply flip between WWE and WCW for a couple hours each Monday night. Gone are the days when you can watch casually and still keep a bead on the business. In addition to content being provided by the WWE on broadcast and cable television, there is exclusive content on wwe.com, exclusive content on youtube, exclusive content on the WWE Network (which is only $9.99 a month, subscribe now!!!), and supplementary content on facebook, twitter, instagram, pinterest, (lol)tout, on the app

 

 

How in the hell can you keep up? I’ll tell you this, it takes dedication. It takes hard work. It takes the mental capacity to watch both seasons of Total Divas and be able to feel legitimately excited for season three.

I do not mean to suggest that you have to watch everything. That is absurd. The WWE Universe itself is dense enough to allow fans to pick and choose where to go. Do you see a star way off in the distance that looks intriguing? Go there and check it out! Wikipedia is a good start.

Go and learn my children! That is my message to you all. Besides the obvious notion that knowledge is power, the programming from WWE is presented in a fashion that benefits greatly in the study of its expanded universe.

Read those Wikipedia articles, watch those youtube videos… Hell, I like Natalya on facebook!  You should too, her and Tyson Kidd have a nice little family unit. If you’re into somebody on a show, dig in; find out more about them. Get to know them on a personal level if you can. Study.

This is becoming more and more paramount to the enjoyment of the product. It is time for us as fans to evolve. Being jaded doesn’t get us anywhere anymore. It is time for us to collectively get over ourselves and realize it ain’t never gonna be like it was back in the day. This is not a bad thing. It only means that things change. You cannot escape change.

The only thing we can do as cognizant individuals is realize and accept this. I don’t write the shows; all I can do is speculate, really. As much as I shudder thinking about how LOLCENAWINS is somehow historically a more powerful force than Hulkamania, I can’t do anything about it. Short of pulling a CKY with an IDR, I am truly helpless in my message. Or am I? Is it possible that somewhere underneath the crust of the IWC is a core of pure energy? Is professional wrestling alive or does it simply exist in our collective memories? Could it be what it once was before? Can it be… real again?

 

I was ten… dreams can come true.

 

That one’s for me, but which one’s for you? Tweet @EHC with your favorite professional wrestling moments (pre-“Santa epiphany”) with #whenibelieved!

This is the kind of dialogue we need. We need to figure out what it was about all this that we loved back when it was real. Back when there was no semblance of the very idea of “kayfabe”. Those base emotions that we could mirror with the almost other-worldly characters we saw on our television sets. They were us and we were them. With cushions and pillows, couches and beds we learned the art of performing.

Little by little, we learned. Week by week, we got better. Before we knew it, we were wrestling for championships and having heated rivalries. One hour broadways were becoming the norm. We devoted hours a day to this. Integration. Through programming.

 

Don’t be afraid…

 

How much time do you devote to wrestling now? Generally speaking, I wouldn’t suspect even close to hours a day. For the IWC, sure you may put in that time, but what do you do with it? I’ll leave that question open-ended so we can all think about it. Do you spend your time consuming programming and attempting to gain a better personal understanding of the WWE Universe or do you spend this valuable time reading other people’s opinions on it?

 

Exactly whose reality are you living in?

 

Now that we’ve all learned something about ourselves, let’s talk about it. Tell me your experiences on twitter, facebook, etc… and especially on your respective subreddits! We’re going to have nice, intelligent conversations, I just know it. Until then though, this is Brian Andrews typing live here in the BEAUTIFUL Temple of Infinitude, signing off.

/endsermon

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