Getting Respect on the Streets: Night of Champions Quick Quts


We like Night of Champions.

Or, we should a little more than we do.

A pay-per-view where all of the belts are on the line should qualify as a major event, but it often comes off as a throwaway event (like Battleground, or Over The Limit or Hell in a Cell, or one of the many events that used to be called “In Your House”).

All that being said, Sunday’s PPV was actually a treat. Here’s how I felt in the moment. Spoilers and other unnecessary things ahead:

Poor Cody Rhodes. He apparently is a heel again (with his brother).

No more German announce table.

Uso’s love to have fun. Uso’s love to compete. Uso’s like having TV time. That’s the cosmic key(s).

“WWE is the world.” Which is good, since we know how hard it is to get the tag belts on PPV, so we don’t need two sets of tag belts anymore (and those are definitely more than $9.99).

“Things you say on social media can come back to haunt you.” “I think Michael knows that very well.” If you remember that incident, I think Cole learned his lesson.

One title change down, how many more to go? How many cosmic keys have to switch galaxies?

So, it’s just Gold and Stardust, not Goldust and Stardust? I guess that’s OK too (hopefully Cody is able to relax a bit and not look so wacky all the time). All things considered, a very entertaining match to kick things off. The Uso’s had a great run with the belts.

Diet Dew is the way to go. That’s how champions (and Lawler) train. (Speaking of that, does anyone remember when R-Truth was having a main event push a few years ago? How about when he was the first black NWA champion?)

$9.99? The road to Wrestlemania is a toll road (certainly cheaper than the Pennsylvania Turnpike and the Ohio Turnpike, but it doesn’t hold a candle to the $8 Indiana Toll Road).

The Irish versus the Swiss for the United States Championship? Come on, guys. Bring back to European Championship. I’ll just imagine it’s Tom Brady vs. Ben Roethlisberger (yes, his ancestry is Swiss; look it up).

Sheamus (or Seamus, as it should be spelled) may have trouble getting over and/or staying over, but he has good psychology and puts on a hard-hitting show. Though I can’t help but hear “the bro kick” instead of the “brogue kick.”

“This is what a championship match is supposed to look like.” The announcers are dead right about this. It’s a fun match.

No title change this time, but, with all the titles on the line, there’s bound to be more. That being said, I can’t think of a better one-two punch to kick off the show.

That Sting commercial does not get old.

“You’re representing America!” Bring on the World’s Strongest Show to take on Gold and Stardust.

Wait – country, hip hop and rock all mixed together? Actually, keep waiting. Cover your ears, too. And stay above the Mason Dixon line, for good measure. The one guy looks a little like Heath Slater, but with larger arms.

Poor Damien Sandow. Just a pawn in the Battle of Cleveland.

“I didn’t realize there were so many things you could do with dirt.” A bit more interesting than this match, but not much more. Something I didn’t want to say about a Dolph Ziggler match.

“Trust us, we’re in a band. We can be booked to beat Sandow. Is he even American? That’s whack, dude.”

Title change number two. Sadly, this match was much less interesting than what came before. Ziggler needs to get the chance to go off a little more.

WWE news update. President Jack Tunney is nowhere to be found, sadly.

Seth Rollins is a heat-seeking missile, and the great attractor of “We want Ambrose” chants.

Hey, it is Ambrose! I like this, but it’s more fitting for Raw (despite Ambrose’s recent absence from TV). Ambrose is over, though. “He’s a nutcase,” and he doesn’t feel the need to pay for his cab.  Maybe I liked it more than I first thought.

OK, I admit that Diet Mountain Dew is kind of OK, but it is nowhere near as good as regular Mountain Dew. That Mexican Mountain Dew, with the real sugar (available in 12-pack form for $9.99)? Actually, it’s decent, but it really emphasizes the orange juice (which can throw off a loyal Dewer).

The National Anthem and Mark Henry sobbing. That’s all.

Hmm, an American needed to beat a Russian? You know who else wears an American flag singlet? And actually was successful in the Olympics? Ask Brian Andrews. He knows a great idea when he sees it.

With the WWE Network and all, does Michael Cole still need a weekly interview exclusively for For that matter, has anyone noticed that Brock Lesnar has been giving the same interview for two and a half years now?

Oh, Jericho/Orton. That’s cool, I guess. Don’t know why, but it should be a good viewing. For how much? $9.99.

More Diet Mountain Dew talk. They weren’t able to save JBL’s, unfortunately.

There’s that invisible RKO, again. See you in six months, Chris.

Diva’s championship match = International symbol for bathroom break (kind of like how that fish symbol some folks put on cars actually means “bad driver” in every language).

“For those of you watching on pay per view, just a reminder, you paid $54.99.”

The match went on for a bit. Can’t really complain, actually.

The new WWE symbol blows. I miss the red at the bottom, though I think my favorite was the mid-to-late-90s yellow and blue one. It was just so fun and playful; I want a stuffed animal version to put on my pillow.

Main event time. I like the stats they are showing before the match. Goes back to that “big fight atmosphere” that makes the air so different.

“Eat, sleep, suplex, repeat.” Words to live by. Better yet, add Grape Nuts to the mix. Delicious and healthy.

Going from one minute and 16 seconds of offense at Summer Slam to a finishing move in the first minute of the match this month is an interesting contrast. I guess it serves a purpose.

No, seriously, look at the bruise.

Rollins with the DQ. “IS ROLLINS GONNA CASH INNNN?” Turns out he doesn’t.

Good match with an ending I can’t say too much for. It’s always exciting when someone tries to cash the briefcase in, but in this case it looks like they were trying to have their champion and keep their SuperCena too.


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